666 : Safe events for women?

Today I am riled up. Roe vs Wade. If you have been living under a rock this protected a pregnant woman’s right to an abortion). So being a woman with a five-year-old daughter I am horrified and troubled by what the future holds. I waited until the age of 36 to get pregnant and it has been the hardest and best challenge. Since my daughter’s arrival we have faced: Brexit, pandemic, the government dividing the nation, dire financial situation, and the erosion of human rights. 

Yet despite how futile it feels I am determined to channel my anger into something positive. To call out injustices, fight for change and have those important discussions that make that possible.

There is a point to this preamble because recently I put myself (40-something single woman) and Download Festival to the test. Last year I went back to Download with a big group of friends. This year was more challenging. Not just because of the scale of the event but to all intents and purposes I went alone. I travelled alone, I did not know if I would end up camping alone and had major doubts of whether I was being brave or incredibly stupid. Stark statistics like 30% of women reporting assault or harassment at festivals in 2018 (1) made me very anxious.

Since I became single two years ago, out of a fifteen-year relationship, the world has changed and not entirely for the better. I am not looking for a relationship, but I have nonetheless been subjected to harassment at gigs and even “friends” making inappropriate comments and touching me because it seems if you are single that is entirely acceptable!! The worst of the behaviour I have seen has been online. From men contacting for dating advice (ironic), asking about mental health, or enquiring after my wellbeing. Some of this is genuine but when it is an excuse to contact me, I have then been on the receiving end of anger for refusing to meet up or send pictures! So, you can understand why going to a festival by myself made me nervous. 

But I expect, and demand, better and have recently had the privilege of working with Primordial Radio to create a Safe Events Pledge and Code of Conduct. The aim, to make their events safe and inclusive for everyone. You can read all the details here. If you are wondering what all the fuss is about, ask a female friend or relative about their experiences. You might be shocked and surprised at what you hear.  

My journey to Download was aided by friends meeting me just outside Donington and we trooped in together. Friends who arrived the night before kept a tent space and helped get my stuff to camp. Kindness off the scale. I was slightly apprehensive about sleeping alone surrounded by mostly strangers and having no phone signal did not help, but with friends close by I manage a few hours’ sleep. Throughout the weekend occasionally I am on my own, but generally I feel safe. That is until late on Friday night I realise I have either had my purse stolen or dropped it. So now I have no phone signal or money and consider going home. Luckily, I am overwhelmed by offers of help from friends, and even people I have never met before. By Sunday I am worn out, still stressing about money and my camp companions are leaving. I do not really fancy a night alone, so I decide to make tracks. 

Download 2022 with the ROCKFLESH crew

So… did I feel safe? Yes and no. There were plenty of staff and the general vibe of the weekend was great. Overall, I enjoyed myself, but the pre-event anxiety was writ large and being without money for 48 hours was stressful. If not for the kindness of others, it would have been much worse. That kindness counteracted the thought of someone stealing my purse and the poor response from staff, who did not seem to know what to do.

Would I go alone again? I am not sure. I would need to know I had friends there, not just to share the experience but to feel safe. I do not think I could camp alone. Probably more because of the thought of something happening, like a pisshead falling on my tent in the night would keep me awake. 

I would caution going to a festival by yourself without knowing anyone, particularly for young women. While I did not get harassed or attract unwanted attention, I think if I was younger, less unapproachable to strangers (death stares are us) and had been on my own for longer periods, this may have been different. It might sound dramatic, but the rock and metal community is definitely not immune to shitty behaviour. 

I leave you with this thought… if you want to initiate change please be an Active Bystander by following the 4 Ds as outlined by Safe Gigs for Women. 

1 Conceptualising safety and crime at UK music festivals